Hawaiian Supermom

A little over a year ago I had the privilege of interviewing internationally famous (but Hawaii born, heeeey) author Lois-Ann Yamanaka. This author has written many books that were turned into film and play, and her work (along with a few other Hawaii writers) has inspired me to embrace the uniqueness and complexities of Hawaii rather than shy away from it.

When I asked her if she had any advice to give to aspiring authors, she had this to share:

1. Give back to the gift(s) God gave you as abundantly as he has blessed you.
2. NEVER censor yourself.
3. NEVER let any asshole censor you.
4. Jump into the fire and burn. The phoenix may rise (or may not). But don’t dance around the fire and waste your time.
5. We all have 10% talent. But only the ones who will find print are those with 90% passion.

She gave her thoughts so openly and had such perfect timing– I felt like I needed it and I’m so thankful that I was able to communicate with her. I was editing my novel Fricken Kids then, and had doubts about whether or not it was good enough. I guess you could say that I took her message SRSLY.

Lucky for me, my husband was also there, filling my head up with pep. I have to stop here and say that I am so grateful to have someone positive, who wholeheartedly supports my dreams by my side. He’s not a writer (although he can write very well), but he has told me from the start that he believed in me– but that I have to believe in me too.

For a huge chunk of my life I had a big problem with that. Believing in myself.

I say had because I (like to) think I’m over the I’m-not-good-enough school of thought. It’s taken ages for me to stop telling myself I’m a living, breathing, compilation of cells that suck because my whole life (prior to meeting my hubby) I was told that I sucked at everything. I just wasn’t good enough so why even try to dream big when I should really be aiming for menial?

When you are surrounded by that kind of negativity and its coming at you from all kinds of people who supposedly love you, it’s hard to get rid of it. The effects are far reaching. No matter how old you get, no matter what paths you come across, no matter what dreams you dare to follow, no matter how many people tell you those things that are so nice to hear, you will always doubt yourself. You will always hear the naysayers–the ones whose words yanked you back just when you felt like you were getting ahead. Their words will drown you. They will incapacitate you and you will start believing their words are a fact. Unless you learn to say, ‘frick ’em.’

I don’t mean ‘frick ’em’ with violent undertones aimed at specific people, I mean ‘frick ’em’ in a carefree, put-your-hands-down-because-you-are-not-going-to-accept-whatever-it-is-that-those-unhappy-persons-are-throwing-at-you way. Frick ’em as in those are their beliefs, not yours so they can keep their words for themselves to live by.

I’m sure some might read this and say I seem disrespectful but realistically, respect isn’t earned by what a person thinks their status is, it’s earned by what a person dishes out. Respect is reciprocal. It’s give and take. If I treat a person with respect, I deserve– not expect– I deserve the same treatment. Same goes if I’m the first one to be an anus.
You get the picture.

The point is, that if you want it, you don’t only have to work hard and change your life to accommodate for it, you have to believe in yourself. You can have all kinds of people in your corner rooting for you but in the end, you have to be able to root for yourself. (Just don’t be all conceited about it because, ew.)

Remember that negativity comes in all forms, but positive things almost always grow out of bad situations. Learn to filter. Turn insults into forward direction, ‘suggestions’ into insight and keep going. Be true to you, keep your head up, work your ass off, write for yourself, and remember, no one gets to live your life but you.